Getting Close!

Wow, I guess I just plain forgot to update with what's going on with this pregnancy! I blame it on double preggo brain lol. Really, I've just been very busy with school, the holidays, and life in general. So quick recap of how things are going:

* I switched from the clinic I was going to at 26 weeks because I felt I wasn't getting the best care there. I now see a maternal-fetal medicine OB who specializes in multiples at the hospital I'll be delivering at. The care has been so much better and I feel she really takes the time to listen and answer questions.

* I've had ultrasounds every month to check the babies' growth. They are big boys! At my last ultrasound, at 33.5 weeks they were already estimated at 5lb 14oz and 6lb 5oz. That means that they could both be around 7-7.5lbs if I have them at 36 weeks, or even 8-8.5lbs if I have them at 38 weeks. Not really a surprise because I have a history of big babies, but with 2 that is a lot of baby weight to be hauling around. They have big heads and short legs, also pretty normal for my kids lol. It's been fun to see them so much.

* I have been having weekly appointments now. Every week I have an NST and quick AFI ultrasound to make sure the babies are doing well and they always are fine. After my next regular checkup I should be seeing my OB every week as well instead of every 2 weeks.

* At my last checkup at 33.5 weeks my uterus measured 45 weeks! I'm getting so huge! They also checked me and I was 2cm dilated and 50% effaced. I'm interested to see if there is any change at my next appointment. The plan is still to have a vaginal birth since both babies are head down and doing well. My OB doesn't want me going past 38 weeks because the risks of twins past that point plus the stress on my c-section scars, and I'm totally fine with that, so if I get to that point and haven't gone into labor she's willing to do a low-dose pitocin induction. The only issue is they have my edd 9 days earlier than I know it should be, but I discussed it with her and she's been supportive of taking a wait-and-see approach. Hopefully they come on their own in the next 1-3 weeks and it won't be a problem.

* I am so exhausted and sore and huge. Although I do want them to stay in until at least 36 weeks for their health, I am so ready to be done being pregnant! This is definitely much harder on my body than a singleton pregnancy, even though it's actually gone pretty well as twin pregnancies go. No complications, no bedrest or preterm labor, no restrictions. So I am glad it's been going well, it's just hard. On the other hand, I'm not sure I'm ready to have 2 babies to take care of lol. I've been busy this week getting all of our baby stuff ready. We are mostly prepared. I still need to borrow a dresser from a neighbor who offered one so I can put the clothes away and get a twin nursing pillow and just a few other little things, but overall we are ready. We've got a nice stockpile of diapers because we buy a box every few weeks plus I had 2 baby showers and was given quite a bit.

This will probably be my last update until after they are born. Wish me luck!

Well, this changes things...

So we had our ultrasound this week on Wednesday. We got there early because I was supposed to have a checkup before it, but there was a mixup and my checkup was Thursday. So we were early but they got us back right away. The ultrasound tech was really nice and was chatting with us about our kids and how many siblings we have. Then she says, "So this will be 5 then." I looked at Nate confused and she says, "Did you know that? You are having 2."
WHAT?!
We were so shocked, asking her if she was sure over and over. I was grinning so big as she showed us that there were indeed 2 babies in there! Holy cow, it was such a surprise! I mean, I knew I'd been growing faster this time, but since we'd always just heard one heartbeat and the movements I felt were always in the same spot I'd just assumed that there was only one in there and I was bigger from it being baby #4.
So then we got down to checking out the babies. Of course she had to do all the measurements and things before she would look at the genders. Finally she finished Baby A and went for the money shot. Right away we could all see that it was 100% BOY! Hubby then guessed that the other was a boy while I held out hope for 1 of each. After another long scan of Baby B's measurements we got to see that HE was not shy either! Yep, 2 BOYS!!! Both babies look perfect. Measured just a bit bigger than my dates so they moved my due date to January 26. Of course I'm still going with February 4 since I know when they were conceived. And since it's likely I'll go early anyway I'm not worried about the dates, I just expect they will be born some time in January. The twins are in separate sacks, but share a placenta. From everything I've read about it we won't know if they are identical or fraternal until after they are born. Some identical twins have separate sacks and some fraternal twins share a placenta. The only way we'd have known for certain right now is if they shared a sack (identical) or if they were opposite genders (obviously fraternal lol).
My little boys After the ultrasound we immediately started calling family and friends and letting them know. We got a lot of "Oh my gosh!" and "Are you serious?!" and lots of congratulations.
The next day I was supposed to have a regular midwife checkup. I got there and was told that unfortunately I could not see them anymore because I was now high-risk. So sad! So I was transferred to the OBs and have to go to a different clinic. The clinic only does high-risk appointments on Friday mornings, which makes things a bit harder because I frequently have extra kids Fridays and that means Hubby has to get time off or permission to work from home some days. Anyway, they did listen to the babies and measure my uterus before sending me on my way.
This morning I had my first appointment at the new clinic. I did all the normal weight (127) , blood pressure (97/63), urine stuff. I had a lot of glucose in my urine, again, so they did a finger stick to check my blood and it was ok. But they want me to come back next week to take the GTT early, because they like checking with twins early plus the fact I always have so much in my urine. I met with a nice Dr. We discussed how having twins can affect the delivery. He knows I want to have a VBA2C and explained some risks that might make that harder now with twins. I definitely understand. There are more complications that can arise during pregnancy and delivery. And if Baby A isn't head down at delivery we will go straight to a c-section. But as long as Baby A is head down and there are no other complications that make it too risky, then I should be able to try a regular delivery.
I'm really not too sad about the idea that I have a pretty high chance of needing a c-section this time. Twins makes a big difference and there are more factors to think about this time. Yes, I want a vaginal delivery but not at the expense of my babies and my health. We will take it a day at a time and see how things go with the pregnancy.
I will have more frequent appointments than normal, plus a monthly ultrasound to make sure both babies are growing ok.
There are also things I'll need to buy with these babies that I hadn't planned, like another carseat, a double stroller, a better nursing pillow (my boppy doesn't have the support needed to nurse 2 at a time), and more clothes. Plus the diapers! Unless Nathan magically potty trains before the twins are born I will have 3 in diapers! I want to start stocking up now, buying a pack of diapers for the babies every time we buy one for Nathan.
I'm so tired from my mind racing ever since we found out. I still find myself suddenly thinking, "Wow, I'm having twins!" and grinning. There is so much to think about and plan for, but mostly we are very excited and feel blessed to be getting 2 little boys.

Pregnancy Updates

So, I've had 2 appointments so far. It's a bit odd not knowing which midwife I will see for an appointment since it is such a large group, but the two I've met (and one student) were very nice. At my first appointment they did all the normal first visit stuff like background, bloodwork, pap, etc. I was bummed they did not do an ultrasound, because I've always had an ultrasound at my first appointment with the other 3. But we did hear little one's heartbeat on the doppler. The midwive said my uterus felt larger than my dates would put me, 12 weeks instead of 10, but since I was sure of my dates they shrugged it off. I'm guessing that scar tissue may have something to do with it, plus this is my 4th so my uterus is a bit stretched out lol. We discussed my history and although I will have to meet with a maternal-fetal specialist at some point (I probably will next month) to discuss VBA2C, they told me it is really my choice, which was nice to hear.

At my second appointment it was just a quick checkup. Heard the baby again. I did find out that I am GBS+ already. Never had it before, but evidently it showed in my first urine sample, and if it's in your urine that means it's already heavily colonized so they don't bother retesting at the end of pregnancy and I'll have to be on antibiotics during labor. It shouldn't be a problem other than that, and because I tend to have long labors I will have plenty of time to get the antibiotics. I just hope I can have the IV out between doses so I can move around easier.

In more exciting news we also set up the anatomy ultrasound! It will be September 1st. I'm so excited to get to see the baby. I will be just under 18 weeks at that point. I can't wait to see if we are getting another boy or finally a girl!

My belly has grown faster this time and I'm hoping there is just one baby in there lol. I was a little more sick than I was with the last 2, but luckily that has subsided since entering the 2nd trimester and I'm feeling pretty good, just exhausted. I started feeling that baby 2 weeks ago, during my last checkup when we were looking for the heartbeat it moved against the doppler. It's still very faint and I only feel it 1-2x a day if I'm holding very still and paying attention. Can't wait to feel it more.

Positive update!

Well, we have found out some exciting news to finally add to this depressing blog! Baby #4 is due next February! Although I am still extremely nervous about how the birth may go this time, we are excited to be adding another little one to our family. I am grateful that there is a hospital near that will support VBA2C and that they have a large group of midwives who deliver there. I have my first appointment with one of the midwives on July 9th, and hope to discuss my options in depth with her. Although I know I can do an unmedicated birth, I'm not sure if I want to. I think I may just take a wait and see approach, see how things are going and if I feel the need to get an epidural than I won't feel bad about it. It would be nice to have a labor that's a bit quicker than my other 3 too, lol. And who knows, maybe we'll get a girl this time?

Big Baby

I don't know why I bother reading birth stories on due date messageboards, they just make me sad and angry. I was reading some posts by ladies due this month. The first was a girl who wanted a VBAC but last week had an ultrasound that showed her baby was almost 10lbs. So they scheduled a c/s for yesterday. Guess how much the baby weighed? 7lb 11oz. Seriously. Over 2lbs LESS than the u/s showed. And how much do you want to bet when the doctor found out the baby was smaller than they said it was that he said "Well, it's good we did the c/s because your scar was so thin it would have burst if you'd gone into labor!" I swear that's the excuse I always read about when the u/s was way off. The other story is a lady who also wanted a VBAC but had an u/s showing her baby is already...get ready for it... almost 7 lbs! The horrors! Her last baby was 6.5lbs and born by c/s so obviously a 7lb baby would just rip her to shreds. So she has a c/s scheduled for the end of the week (she is about 37wks pg). I'm just so tired of women being denied a VBAC for "big baby" when there really isn't proof they cannot birth a baby that size, even ACOG doesn't recommend automatic c/s for supposedly big babies. And I know so many women who have VBAC'd 10lb+ babies!

I know I shouldn't let it bother me, they are the ones who have to live with their decisions, not me, and maybe they are perfectly happy with it. I wish I could just let it slide. I shouldn't be reading all those birth stories. Probably 4 out of 5 of the women "have" to be induced or have a c/s, usually because their baby is "too big". I hardly ever post any kind of reply to these stories, because it's not my place to hoist my feelings onto them. If they are happy with their birth I have no right to rain on their parade. That's what my last post was about too, keeping my feelings inside of me when something about someone else's birth triggers my emotions. I read a post on a birth trauma message boards once about the saying "ignorance is bliss" and that this lady often wished she didn't know as much as she did about birth so that she could just be fine with how her birth was. I often feel the same. I sometimes wish I didn't know that many c/s are unnecessary, most interventions cause more harm than good, and that doctors don't know everything. Ignorance would be much easier to live with than pain.

Burning

Bottled up, suppressed
The lid barely contains it
Acid filling it to the top
Burning, burning

It's not their fault
My failure is my own
I cannot share it
I will not share it

Like poison it spreads
Threatening the peace
But I hold it back
Burning, burning

Blistering hands
My tongue is numb
Tears cloud my eyes
But I grasp it close

Burning, burning