"Trust Birth"

On many natural birth messageboards I've been to, this phrase is often said- "Trust birth". They want you to trust that your body and baby know exactly what to do and that the majority of time things will go exactly as they should. While I agree that the majority of time an unmessed with labor will go just fine, I do not agree that you can "trust" that it will.

I do not trust birth. I've had too many differing birth experiences to trust it. Only one of my births has gone according to plan, my vbac with #2. All the others did not go at all as I'd planned. Even though the twins vba2c was so quick and easy, it was still not how I'd planned and at the time was very scary because of the quickness and not getting the epidural I'd thought I'd be getting.

Birth cannot be planned. Yes, we can do our best to prepare our bodies and minds, but in the end it is very much out of our control. Things can change in an instant. This is not meant to sound scary, just that no matter how you prepare, the most important thing is to be flexible and prepare for how you will react in any scenario that comes up so that if things stop going as planned you can still feel in control of the decisions you make at the time.

Right now I'm 37.5 weeks. As the birth of our little girl gets closer (yes, a girl this time!) I've found myself getting scared. Sure I've been through all these different births, so I should be used to taking whatever comes, but because I've been through 4 very different deliveries I know just how much I have no control over what is going to happen during this one. I am planning a natural birth again, but terrified of the what-ifs. How fast will my labor be? If I'm GBS+ again when should I go in? What if I need another c-section? What if the OB on call doesn't want to stick around for a vba2c? (I'm seeing a midwife who's supportive, but an OB has to be there the whole time too and some are more supportive than others.) Who will watch my kids while I'm in the hospital? (Because my family all have very different work schedules I'm not sure who will be available depending on the time I go into labor.) What if I have another fast labor and don't make it to the hospital and something goes wrong at home/in the car? What if my baby's blood sugar goes too low after birth and she has to go to the nursery instead of stay with me? (I have GD this time.) Will baby be born before my school semester starts in 2 weeks? What if I need to be induced?

I have a birth plan typed out and gave it to my midwife and she thought it was perfect. I know she will do everything she can to help me get the birth I want, but she has just as much control over it as I do, which isn't much lol. I've avoided doing anything to really prepare for the birth mentally. I know I can do a natural delivery, I've done it twice before, but I also know that it hurts like nothing else lol. But I haven't read any books, done any relaxations, etc. Things I did to prepare previously during pregnancy. And I have avoided thinking too much about what I'll do if things do not go as planned.

This has turned out much longer than I meant lol. Really, I am very excited my baby will be here soon. I can't wait to see what she looks like and hold and cuddle her. Although I'm freaked that the baby actually has to come out of me somehow lol, I know that soon it will be over and no matter what I will be so happy to have my little girl in my arms.