Every time I think I'm starting to get over my feelings of sadness about my last birth, I read a birth story that just shoves it all in my face again. And it's all kinds of birth stories, from the one's that had every intervention under the sun and still had their "perfect" birth, to the scheduled c-sections, to the unassisted homebirths. All of them hit me in different ways, but they all make me feel like a failure.
A friend recently had her baby and I just read her birth story. She got an epidural at 3cm, some pitocin, and all the monitoring and IVs that go along with it. And her beautiful little girl came out just fine. My cousin had her baby today, she chose to be induced. As far as I've heard everything turned out just fine with that birth too. I am of course very happy for my friend and cousin, but it just makes me wonder what I did wrong?
I did everything I felt was best to insure a great birth with low risks of intervention or c-section. I labored at home for a long time, then went to a birth center with a wonderful midwife, labored in the tub to deal with the contractions, pushed in every position imaginable. I let my body do what is supposed to come naturally, and it failed me. I ended up under the knife again.
It just doesn't seem fair at all. And I know, life isn't fair, but what hope is there when I do everything I can for the best outcome and still get screwed over?